The Department Director from Hell:
Office Politics Part 1:
Every once in a while, I will hear a story about "The
good and saintly department director" who used to hallow the now dark nether region
where I work. A person who truly cared for the people who worked for him. Who was
intelligent, competent and did not micro manage or harass his people without purpose.
The person telling the story will look out the window
wistfully...going on and on in a pitiful voice about how this benevolent man "brought
a light and wisdom to his position which filtered down to touch all his
subordinates". This was before the "Dark Times" they will then add with a
look of guarded fear and torment. Before... "HE" came...
I was not here during that longed for period of light and
truth...I do not think it existed. If it did, my current director destroyed all traces of
its presence with the all consuming abyss which is his soul, and the black void which is
his thought process...
My current department director is a product of that bizarre
20th century phenomenon which molds nepotism and the "Peter Principle" into some
malignant force of undeserved career advancement.
I have seen my immediate supervisor struggle with this
anti-Christ of upper management time and time again. Meeting after torturous meeting, I
have witnessed the blank look of first disbelief, then pain, then confused resignation,
creeping across his face.
They will have conversations like this;
Director: "It has come to my attention that one of
your operators made $20,000.00 in overtime last year while his shift partner only made
$3,000.00. This is unacceptable. We need to equalize overtime.
Supervisor: "Well that is simply because the one
operator does not like overtime, but the other does. The shifts get covered and everyone
is happy. I think...
Director: "Equalize their overtime."
Supervisor: "But why? Forcing them to equalize
won’t save the company any money? All it will do is make them both miserable. May I
suggest...
Director: "$20,000.00 dollars in overtime is too much
money for an operator to make. equalize their overtime".
Supervisor: "But sir, he is only being properly
compensated. He worked many holidays and weekends when you and I were home with our
families. It only seems fair that...
Director: "He’s making more money than I am. No
operator can make more money than his director. Equalize his overtime".
Supervisor: "...I see..."
Director: "Leave me a voice mail when you have
corrected this situation"
Supervisor: "Yes Lord Vader"
Director: "Then page me with a 411 so I will know to
check my voice mail".
My supervisor will then stumble out of the room like a man
recently beaten with a large blunt instrument. A cloud of despair hovering over his head
as he goes forth to pour this abortion of a directive onto company letterhead with his
name on it, not the directors.
For you see, our director always ensures that his name is
never attached to these memos. No...that would put a tear in the his "Cloak of
plausible deniability". Weeks later, at the inevitable union hearing which will be
spawned by this incident, he will look astonished! He will turn to my supervisor and will
say "I never authorized this!". My supervisor will look up in agony as everyone
in the room reviles him for being a heartless, incompetent swine.
How is it that a man like this can ascend to such a seat of
power? It baffles and angers me. I have analyzed the situation in an attempt to determine
what the hell is his problem. He either has a genetic mental defect, or was beaten as a
child. It may be both. In any case, I am sure that his parents were never married, and if
he was beaten, I am sure he deserved it.
There is another story that goes around the plant.
Actually, its sort of a legend really. It says that one day, the darkness will end and a
new era of quality upper management will ride in and sweep away the anti-Christ. I’m
not sure if I believe that one either, but I sure hope its true. I also hope it happens
before my supervisor goes ‘Postal".
